You fulfil my fantasies in my head.

My life at the moment isn’t the most fantastic of worlds for a number of reasons.

For one, I am a bitch. Yep, that’s it. I can’t even believe that I have been having some of the awful thoughts I have been recently and actually almost acting on them. I would have pretty much messed up my college life when I only have three weeks left. It would have been ruined in a couple of stupid and un-thought-out mistakes that really, when I look back on them now, aren’t worth bothering about. I mean, when has life ever been easy at the best of times never mind after a life altering decision? I am still so naïve sometimes about life and other people that it scares me – I am very much not ready to leave home into the big wide world and actually be an adult. And that day is approaching FAR too fast for my liking!

For seconds, all the world seems to be talking about at the moment is ‘The Fear’. For those of you unaware of this hideous feeling, it is the emotion felt when you realise that you have exams terrifyingly soon and that you know absolutely nothing. I have this feeling. However, my friends seem to be positively acting on this – revising and panicking etc. I seem to just be my usual lazy self. Bury head in the sand syndrome. That means that the time won’t actually arrive, right? WRONG. It is going to. I need to aspire in myself ‘The Terror’. “If I do not get my grades I am actually going to cry. For about 5 years” says one little voice in my head. There is another small one whispering desperately “please do some work!” but this seems to be being drowned out by my lazy voice who seems to think that I can blag the upcoming most important exams of my LIFE (so far).

So the sort my life out plan has not worked.
I should just rename this blog – the girl who fails at life because that is all I seem to be describing at the moment! Well, I hope I am making you feel more positive about yours at least.

BRH <3