The currents will drag us away from our love.

I read an exquisite, beautiful piece of writing today. It was written as a GCSE coursework piece by a 16 year old, but she is absolutely stunning in her ideas and the way she portrays it onto the paper.
The story was about “The Pursuit” and this girl chose the pursuit of peace and final acceptance of a cancer patient in death. Ok, I cried buckets reading this but you’d have to be soulless not to.
It did make me think. If I died tomorrow, or even within the next month, what have I done with my life yet? I haven’t done half the things I want to, visit the places in the world I’d give a kidney to see or wasted my money on frivolous pleasures available to me just because I wanted to.
Some say that the attitude of ‘live every day like it’s your last’ is irresponsible, not planning for the long term, but I think there is something in it. What if you don’t have a long term? What if God has other plans for you? Your life spent on this planet wouldn’t have been half as exciting as it would have been if you’d spent that extra money or been that little more adventurous.
I’m really not one to talk – I am the most uninspired, tight and boring person when it comes to things like this. I am saving for my future like a good girl and trying not to blow it on little things to make me happy for a few moments, shallow things that only I would enjoy – a cheeky chocolate bar, those shoes you’ve been umming and ahhing over for weeks.

Well, epiphany moment of the week.

In summer I am going to make the most of every moment I can.
I am going to attempt not to be boring and just milk the beautiful and amazing moments that will come my way (even if it does involve spending a bit of money – in the long run, it might well be worth it).
How do you know, unless you try it?

Hmm.
I am feeling rather philosophical.
I just hope I’m not writing this for the sake of it and don’t make the changes I say!

BRH <3

P.S. I apologise to my blog page who has been left lonely for a while. I said I wouldn't let tumblr take over... but I have recently! http://wwww.challett.tumblr.com
It's far too addictive for it's own good!!

I have never felt so alone.

All my friends are around me.
I have my family close at hand.
My boyfriend loves me to the ends of the earth.

Then why is it that I feel so alone?
I read my friends blog, and almost her mind, and find that she's in love.
The girl who never would love in her life, is in love.
That makes me sad, because I am not.
I am going to be a lonely old maid with an acceptable job and a mundane husband, but without any outstanding ambitions or memories to console myself with.

I wish I had love that could set me free.
Strangely I feel it's at my fingertips, if only I were brave enough to turn my life upsidedown and grab it.

And even then I think I am kidding myself with my own imagination and ridiculous thoughts.
Like anyone would turn their life upsidedown for me, leave everything they had on a whim, just to give it a try.
That's fantasy fit for a fairytale - definately not a story taken from my book.

It's not going to happen.
The supposed best summer of my life is going to deflate in front of my eyes because I am jealous and want to be wild.
I don't think I'd suit the crazy lifestyle.
I am simply plain. Plain Jane.
The girl who won't even get a backie home or jump a fence to get a rush.

I don't think I've felt like this in a while.

Someone set me free.

I love you, well, most of the time.

My main irk at the moment has to be that used feeling that I get from some people. If you knew me you would not think that I would want to be everyone’s best friend – sometimes I’m just a little too distant for people’s likings and have very bitchy tendencies. But the feelings I get of being rejected over that ‘popular’ girl? Ouch. I thought these things were meant to finish at school? Two of my close guy mates are trying to get in with a pretty, rich girl, who also ignores me, so when she is around do I even get a glance or a second of their time? No. I am the one they come to for, well, nothing anymore. It actually pains me to be that friend who they willingly come running to if I have anything to offer or if they need me for something but get all too frequently ignored for anyone slightly more popular. I am a door mat. I just let them walk all over me when it suits them and feel the hurt when they don’t want me anymore, not even just to see me and have a catch up. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Oh, I don’t know. All I know is that I hate it.

BRH
<3

Bandwagons are fun

I have discovered a lovely little site – tumblr. I know, I’m jumping on that bandwagon and, after all, who even NEEDS two blogs? The site isn’t that much of a blog site like this one, or wordpress or any others. It does not allow for vents of frustration and deep cognitive workings of the mind – instead it’s for pretty pictures, for statements and musings too short for usual blog entries. I kinda love it.
I also adore Iheartit too. My procrastinating friends have introduced me to such sites online and now I cannot seem to prise myself off of them! They’re just full of wonderful pictures and quotes that I wish I was orginal enough to create myself.

On another tangent, I have the shopping bug. I have brought hideous amounts for my holiday; I mean I now have 6 bikinis for goodness sake! I was adventurous with some of my purchases I have to admit – a white nautical looking jumpsuit with black and red horizontal stripes and gold detailing. I adore it, it just looks so cute and vintage in it’s own little way, but at the same time I’m not sure if I suit it too well… I think I am too plain to go out and buy quirky items of clothing and I definitely couldn’t take any comments or criticism for them that’s for sure. So I am considering returning that particular item of clothing after showing it to my mum, she’ll tell me the truth.

The subject that is being carefully avoided and is the centre of my life at the moment is of course exams. They aren’t going too badly at the moment… my revision on the other hand is. It is suffering at the hands of such sites as facebook, blogspot, tumblr and iheartit. These are the most pathetic wastes of time, I am not even slightly enriching my life with these – even tidying my room would be a better way to spend my time, but I feel because I am sat near my revision table and books that it is better for me than wandering off. Ridiculous really, isn’t it!

Must dash now, do some 45 minutes of productive work to add to my 2 hours already today. I really do fail don’t I.

BRH
<3

Things that I would like:

Mr Orlando Bloom ♥


A cup of tea. Especially one shaped like this, sums up my feelings rather aptly


To be good at photography pretty please


July 1st, Marmaris with my girls


The type of love that does not exist ♥


Summer


Reading Festival 2010


Konstantine, Something Corporate ♥

Emotions should not exist.

Three blog entries in the last two days, that must tell you something at least about my utter frustration with life at the moment.
I cannot do this! I have revised and revised but I don’t feel like I could be anymore prepared now – like I have just accepted my failure because I definately am NOT prepared. I don’t want to fail! I want to write an eloquent and fluent essay on Athenian foreign policy between 431-404BC/the importance of Lysander in Spartan war effort, but I just can’t. It is beyond my abilities. I look back at things I have written before and admire them for their quality but I am literally just failing now. How do I get better in 3 days? It is impossible. I just want to burst into a flood of tears right now.
I want to go to Nottingham so bad.
I can’t do it.
I will let myself down, like usual, because of my lazy attitude and lack of knowledge.
Hate myself.

It doesn’t help that I feel completely disconnected from my friends. I do not have a best friend anymore, not since getting a boyfriend. My two friends whom I consider to be the closest don’t even offer to get me out my house these days, I just see on facebook that they have hung and out OH LOOK AT ALL THOSE PRIVATE JOKES. Oh, boy that makes me feel so good, please make sure NOT to invite me next time yeah? Woo.

I just feel so hopelessly enveloped in a deep, deep hole and I can’t seem to climb my way out.
Help.

Just a Quickie

I had the scariest dream EVER last night.
You know one of those ones where you’re suddenly in an exam room taking a test? Well, mine was supposed to be English Literature A2 so I looked at the first page and started answering the questions. I then realized that I had 15 minutes left to write an essay and I answered the wrong questions – I literally ran out of the exam hall (with my exam paper) crying! The my teacher bought me back in and said I could do it at home because I wasn’t even doing English Literature to A2 level. I was like; whaaaaat!?

I think this symbolizes my absolute fear for my up and coming history A2 exam.

It is such a nice day and I want to be outside sunbathing or shopping or something, not just having overslept and now forcing myself to revise.

Utter HATRED of revision life.


BRH
<3

Who I am hates who I’ve been.

Well, more like who I’ve been hates who I am really. I miss those carefree summer days where you could wear shorts, shirts and dresses and bare your legs without a thought. I was never once worried about how fat my legs were in comparison to my best friends or that I may have a tiny muffin top over a pair of shorts, but now? Oh boy, I have mutated into that hideous calorie counting girl I have always hated. How did this happen?! I used to despise those girls who checked how many calories a glass of water was - I thought they did it for attention just to highlight the fact that they were the skinniest thing you have ever seen in your life. But now I am doing it without a second thought – my boyfriend hands me a cookie and my first thought? HOW MANY CALORIES? It’s not like it even matters, I know I am not fat – if I put a picture of myself online I think that I would get hate mail for just writing this. I just am striving to be healthier however I feel that joining the college gym has not helped me with my body image. I go to the gym a fair few times a week but have not lost weight, if anything gained, but yet it hasn’t once crossed my mind that perhaps I’m not meant to be skinnier – that I would look strange with a chopping board flat stomach and without my hamster style chubbster cheeks. I hope that during summer, without my added stresses of exams etc, that I will be able to relax and actually get used to the person that I have become and not struggle to change everything about myself. I would like some self acceptance.


Also in my updates is another strange crush of mine. You ready? Jake Gyllenhaal, in the Prince of Persia. I am fully aware that Jake Gyllenhaal is a normal crush to have but I doubt that many other girls fancies him in Persian robes with vaguely long and unkept hair and a face full of stubble. Corrrr, come on though, how are you not attracted to this:





He’s bloody gorgeous. I had to close my mouth from gawping whilst watching him free running and being all muscley in the cinema with my boyfriendn (just look at those arms). To be fair, look at the actress – she’s gorgeous too so I think we were both too preoccupied with the screen to notice each other being preoccupied with the screen!

The film itself is so much like Aladdin it’s unreal!
The Nizam evil guy is totally Jafar:





Prince Dastan is Aladdin with his free running skills and cheeky nature. I half expected the song ‘One Jump Ahead’ to start playing during some scenes!
“This is no ordinary lamp” is translated to “This is no ordinary dagger!”

In all seriousness, go and see the film. It is indescribably good (in my opinion) however I may have just ruined it slightly for you by the comparison to Aladdin… you’ll see what I mean!

Anyway, back to revision!

BRH <3