Just don’t text them. Just speak to them when spoken to.
My mind just gets tangled up in a random mix and assortment of ideas and emotions. It confuses me greatly.
:(
Monday, 9 August 2010
Friday, 16 July 2010
I can't bring myself to stay away!
Reading back through recent blogs has made me realise that what people say about me sometimes is absolutely right. I am SO miserable! I am just 18 (I just accidentally typed 15, aha oops) and I am taking my tiny life far too seriously. So here goes for another attempt for a lighter narrative of the goings on of my life.
I know that I said that I would keep away and jot paper instead but I realised that I don’t like paper. It annoys me because writing is an effort that I just don’t need to do. I seem to be wasting my summer away on laptops and watching gossip girl so far (I cannot believe that I have done nothing but this for a whole week) and so this is much more convenient and accessible than the paper stuffed around my room. This also has spell check, muaha.
So, as I was saying, my summer which was said to be full of exciting trips and occasions has been so far, a little bit of a let down. I’m not blaming anyone else for this, fully aware it is my fault, but I just feel a bit bummed about this fact! It so far has consisted of my new stupid addiction to a facebook game (frontierville if you were wondering) which has made me wonder if I subconsciously want to be a farmer of some kind instead of a pharmacist when I grow up; the boring boring boring nights out in Basingstoke town getting drunk which are only acceptable because of my friends and watching gossip girl season 2 (even though I haven’t watched season 1...) which I adore but not yet as obsessed as I was with Grey’s Anatomy. This is a plus I guess!
That was the lighthearted narrative of the events in my summer so far.
Apart from marmaris.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST FORGOT ABOUT TURKEY!
Ohhhhh my lord.
It was amazing. I’m not even exaggerating, just top notch really. I couldn’t have asked for more. And even though some of my friends didn’t get on that well (one in particular who didn’t enjoy it that much I feel) I still love all my girls and like to reminisce about the memories created on this holiday whilst doing nothing at home sat on my sofa and drinking cups of tea.
I honestly didn’t know how I survived a week without tea in Marmaris! Naomi and I shared a room and invested heavily in drinking Peach Iced tea instead, which was a winnnnn decision! Nectar of the gods - I recall saying this when rather drunk and guzzling it at 4am after a drunken night out. Rather embarrassing comment but fitting I feel! I drank this iced tea at home (the apartments I mean), by the pool and sometimes with meals and therefore it definitely replaced my ‘non-iced’ tea addiction.
Here’s a fact for you: did you know that peach in Turkish actually means bastard? We asked a waiter what it meant after being told by someone it was very rude. How amusing that we were asking in restaurants; “bastard, iced tea?” We must have looked like rude foreigners, aha!
Anywho, off to tidy my room.
... ahahahahahahahaa.
Who am I kidding. I say this yet I’ll probably just touch it a bit and end up reading more of my book of the moment, ‘The Historian’. It is really very good!
In the style of Gossip Girl.
You know you love me, XOXO
BRH <3
Just because I am awesomely sad!
I know that I said that I would keep away and jot paper instead but I realised that I don’t like paper. It annoys me because writing is an effort that I just don’t need to do. I seem to be wasting my summer away on laptops and watching gossip girl so far (I cannot believe that I have done nothing but this for a whole week) and so this is much more convenient and accessible than the paper stuffed around my room. This also has spell check, muaha.
So, as I was saying, my summer which was said to be full of exciting trips and occasions has been so far, a little bit of a let down. I’m not blaming anyone else for this, fully aware it is my fault, but I just feel a bit bummed about this fact! It so far has consisted of my new stupid addiction to a facebook game (frontierville if you were wondering) which has made me wonder if I subconsciously want to be a farmer of some kind instead of a pharmacist when I grow up; the boring boring boring nights out in Basingstoke town getting drunk which are only acceptable because of my friends and watching gossip girl season 2 (even though I haven’t watched season 1...) which I adore but not yet as obsessed as I was with Grey’s Anatomy. This is a plus I guess!
That was the lighthearted narrative of the events in my summer so far.
Apart from marmaris.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST FORGOT ABOUT TURKEY!
Ohhhhh my lord.
It was amazing. I’m not even exaggerating, just top notch really. I couldn’t have asked for more. And even though some of my friends didn’t get on that well (one in particular who didn’t enjoy it that much I feel) I still love all my girls and like to reminisce about the memories created on this holiday whilst doing nothing at home sat on my sofa and drinking cups of tea.
I honestly didn’t know how I survived a week without tea in Marmaris! Naomi and I shared a room and invested heavily in drinking Peach Iced tea instead, which was a winnnnn decision! Nectar of the gods - I recall saying this when rather drunk and guzzling it at 4am after a drunken night out. Rather embarrassing comment but fitting I feel! I drank this iced tea at home (the apartments I mean), by the pool and sometimes with meals and therefore it definitely replaced my ‘non-iced’ tea addiction.
Here’s a fact for you: did you know that peach in Turkish actually means bastard? We asked a waiter what it meant after being told by someone it was very rude. How amusing that we were asking in restaurants; “bastard, iced tea?” We must have looked like rude foreigners, aha!
Anywho, off to tidy my room.
... ahahahahahahahaa.
Who am I kidding. I say this yet I’ll probably just touch it a bit and end up reading more of my book of the moment, ‘The Historian’. It is really very good!
In the style of Gossip Girl.
You know you love me, XOXO
BRH <3
Just because I am awesomely sad!
Sunday, 11 July 2010
I am tempted to go back to paper.
Blogs are stupid.
Diaries are better.
No judgments.
Just word vomit.
No pressure to create a masterpiece from fragments of unorganised ideas swirling in the mind.
I might well just stop.
At least for a while.
Diaries are better.
No judgments.
Just word vomit.
No pressure to create a masterpiece from fragments of unorganised ideas swirling in the mind.
I might well just stop.
At least for a while.
Saturday, 10 July 2010
If it's not broke don't fix it. If it is broke ditch it.
Take me back. Please to god take me back.
I never thought that I could fall in love so hard with another country as I have done, but Turkey, you are my one true love. Marmaris - the pervy turkish men = my heaven.
I got away from everything, just like I asked for, with the best people in the world but now the things that I have run away from seem to have manifested themselves to be 1 hundred billion times worse on return. It serves me right really. Face things. Do not run. It may be complicated. It may be 1 and a half years of my so far very small life.
If it's not broke, don't fix it.
But I am broke and about to be thrown away into the tip of other broken hearts where we all groan and grieve and stress solitarily whilst secretly yearning on the lost ones.
I act like the virginal victim in this situation - we all know that isn't true. I have been worse in this and the worst part is that they do not realise this. I am being a total bitch and they just think that it is all their fault they are feeling this way. It is not. I made them feel this way through my wandering eyes, my epic moodswings and unadventurous nature. I have been almost dumped before on the grounds of 'groundhog day' and it seems to have reared it's ugly head again.
Perhaps I am just not that fun and interesting person that people can stick around with? Perhaps I am meant to be alone in life, just loving people till they visibly get fed up and then leave.
Please at least put me in my place so we can both attempt to make this summer the supposed 'best of our lives'.
It is definately not shaping up that way.
I want to go back, I want to run away again.
Take me back. Please to god take me back.
I never thought that I could fall in love so hard with another country as I have done, but Turkey, you are my one true love. Marmaris - the pervy turkish men = my heaven.
I got away from everything, just like I asked for, with the best people in the world but now the things that I have run away from seem to have manifested themselves to be 1 hundred billion times worse on return. It serves me right really. Face things. Do not run. It may be complicated. It may be 1 and a half years of my so far very small life.
If it's not broke, don't fix it.
But I am broke and about to be thrown away into the tip of other broken hearts where we all groan and grieve and stress solitarily whilst secretly yearning on the lost ones.
I act like the virginal victim in this situation - we all know that isn't true. I have been worse in this and the worst part is that they do not realise this. I am being a total bitch and they just think that it is all their fault they are feeling this way. It is not. I made them feel this way through my wandering eyes, my epic moodswings and unadventurous nature. I have been almost dumped before on the grounds of 'groundhog day' and it seems to have reared it's ugly head again.
Perhaps I am just not that fun and interesting person that people can stick around with? Perhaps I am meant to be alone in life, just loving people till they visibly get fed up and then leave.
Please at least put me in my place so we can both attempt to make this summer the supposed 'best of our lives'.
It is definately not shaping up that way.
I want to go back, I want to run away again.
Take me back. Please to god take me back.
Monday, 21 June 2010
The currents will drag us away from our love.
I read an exquisite, beautiful piece of writing today. It was written as a GCSE coursework piece by a 16 year old, but she is absolutely stunning in her ideas and the way she portrays it onto the paper.
The story was about “The Pursuit” and this girl chose the pursuit of peace and final acceptance of a cancer patient in death. Ok, I cried buckets reading this but you’d have to be soulless not to.
It did make me think. If I died tomorrow, or even within the next month, what have I done with my life yet? I haven’t done half the things I want to, visit the places in the world I’d give a kidney to see or wasted my money on frivolous pleasures available to me just because I wanted to.
Some say that the attitude of ‘live every day like it’s your last’ is irresponsible, not planning for the long term, but I think there is something in it. What if you don’t have a long term? What if God has other plans for you? Your life spent on this planet wouldn’t have been half as exciting as it would have been if you’d spent that extra money or been that little more adventurous.
I’m really not one to talk – I am the most uninspired, tight and boring person when it comes to things like this. I am saving for my future like a good girl and trying not to blow it on little things to make me happy for a few moments, shallow things that only I would enjoy – a cheeky chocolate bar, those shoes you’ve been umming and ahhing over for weeks.
Well, epiphany moment of the week.
In summer I am going to make the most of every moment I can.
I am going to attempt not to be boring and just milk the beautiful and amazing moments that will come my way (even if it does involve spending a bit of money – in the long run, it might well be worth it).
How do you know, unless you try it?
Hmm.
I am feeling rather philosophical.
I just hope I’m not writing this for the sake of it and don’t make the changes I say!
BRH <3
P.S. I apologise to my blog page who has been left lonely for a while. I said I wouldn't let tumblr take over... but I have recently! http://wwww.challett.tumblr.com
It's far too addictive for it's own good!!
The story was about “The Pursuit” and this girl chose the pursuit of peace and final acceptance of a cancer patient in death. Ok, I cried buckets reading this but you’d have to be soulless not to.
It did make me think. If I died tomorrow, or even within the next month, what have I done with my life yet? I haven’t done half the things I want to, visit the places in the world I’d give a kidney to see or wasted my money on frivolous pleasures available to me just because I wanted to.
Some say that the attitude of ‘live every day like it’s your last’ is irresponsible, not planning for the long term, but I think there is something in it. What if you don’t have a long term? What if God has other plans for you? Your life spent on this planet wouldn’t have been half as exciting as it would have been if you’d spent that extra money or been that little more adventurous.
I’m really not one to talk – I am the most uninspired, tight and boring person when it comes to things like this. I am saving for my future like a good girl and trying not to blow it on little things to make me happy for a few moments, shallow things that only I would enjoy – a cheeky chocolate bar, those shoes you’ve been umming and ahhing over for weeks.
Well, epiphany moment of the week.
In summer I am going to make the most of every moment I can.
I am going to attempt not to be boring and just milk the beautiful and amazing moments that will come my way (even if it does involve spending a bit of money – in the long run, it might well be worth it).
How do you know, unless you try it?
Hmm.
I am feeling rather philosophical.
I just hope I’m not writing this for the sake of it and don’t make the changes I say!
BRH <3
P.S. I apologise to my blog page who has been left lonely for a while. I said I wouldn't let tumblr take over... but I have recently! http://wwww.challett.tumblr.com
It's far too addictive for it's own good!!
Monday, 14 June 2010
I have never felt so alone.
All my friends are around me.
I have my family close at hand.
My boyfriend loves me to the ends of the earth.
Then why is it that I feel so alone?
I read my friends blog, and almost her mind, and find that she's in love.
The girl who never would love in her life, is in love.
That makes me sad, because I am not.
I am going to be a lonely old maid with an acceptable job and a mundane husband, but without any outstanding ambitions or memories to console myself with.
I wish I had love that could set me free.
Strangely I feel it's at my fingertips, if only I were brave enough to turn my life upsidedown and grab it.
And even then I think I am kidding myself with my own imagination and ridiculous thoughts.
Like anyone would turn their life upsidedown for me, leave everything they had on a whim, just to give it a try.
That's fantasy fit for a fairytale - definately not a story taken from my book.
It's not going to happen.
The supposed best summer of my life is going to deflate in front of my eyes because I am jealous and want to be wild.
I don't think I'd suit the crazy lifestyle.
I am simply plain. Plain Jane.
The girl who won't even get a backie home or jump a fence to get a rush.
I don't think I've felt like this in a while.
Someone set me free.
I have my family close at hand.
My boyfriend loves me to the ends of the earth.
Then why is it that I feel so alone?
I read my friends blog, and almost her mind, and find that she's in love.
The girl who never would love in her life, is in love.
That makes me sad, because I am not.
I am going to be a lonely old maid with an acceptable job and a mundane husband, but without any outstanding ambitions or memories to console myself with.
I wish I had love that could set me free.
Strangely I feel it's at my fingertips, if only I were brave enough to turn my life upsidedown and grab it.
And even then I think I am kidding myself with my own imagination and ridiculous thoughts.
Like anyone would turn their life upsidedown for me, leave everything they had on a whim, just to give it a try.
That's fantasy fit for a fairytale - definately not a story taken from my book.
It's not going to happen.
The supposed best summer of my life is going to deflate in front of my eyes because I am jealous and want to be wild.
I don't think I'd suit the crazy lifestyle.
I am simply plain. Plain Jane.
The girl who won't even get a backie home or jump a fence to get a rush.
I don't think I've felt like this in a while.
Someone set me free.
Friday, 11 June 2010
I love you, well, most of the time.
My main irk at the moment has to be that used feeling that I get from some people. If you knew me you would not think that I would want to be everyone’s best friend – sometimes I’m just a little too distant for people’s likings and have very bitchy tendencies. But the feelings I get of being rejected over that ‘popular’ girl? Ouch. I thought these things were meant to finish at school? Two of my close guy mates are trying to get in with a pretty, rich girl, who also ignores me, so when she is around do I even get a glance or a second of their time? No. I am the one they come to for, well, nothing anymore. It actually pains me to be that friend who they willingly come running to if I have anything to offer or if they need me for something but get all too frequently ignored for anyone slightly more popular. I am a door mat. I just let them walk all over me when it suits them and feel the hurt when they don’t want me anymore, not even just to see me and have a catch up. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Oh, I don’t know. All I know is that I hate it.
BRH
<3
BRH
<3
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Bandwagons are fun
I have discovered a lovely little site – tumblr. I know, I’m jumping on that bandwagon and, after all, who even NEEDS two blogs? The site isn’t that much of a blog site like this one, or wordpress or any others. It does not allow for vents of frustration and deep cognitive workings of the mind – instead it’s for pretty pictures, for statements and musings too short for usual blog entries. I kinda love it.
I also adore Iheartit too. My procrastinating friends have introduced me to such sites online and now I cannot seem to prise myself off of them! They’re just full of wonderful pictures and quotes that I wish I was orginal enough to create myself.
On another tangent, I have the shopping bug. I have brought hideous amounts for my holiday; I mean I now have 6 bikinis for goodness sake! I was adventurous with some of my purchases I have to admit – a white nautical looking jumpsuit with black and red horizontal stripes and gold detailing. I adore it, it just looks so cute and vintage in it’s own little way, but at the same time I’m not sure if I suit it too well… I think I am too plain to go out and buy quirky items of clothing and I definitely couldn’t take any comments or criticism for them that’s for sure. So I am considering returning that particular item of clothing after showing it to my mum, she’ll tell me the truth.
The subject that is being carefully avoided and is the centre of my life at the moment is of course exams. They aren’t going too badly at the moment… my revision on the other hand is. It is suffering at the hands of such sites as facebook, blogspot, tumblr and iheartit. These are the most pathetic wastes of time, I am not even slightly enriching my life with these – even tidying my room would be a better way to spend my time, but I feel because I am sat near my revision table and books that it is better for me than wandering off. Ridiculous really, isn’t it!
Must dash now, do some 45 minutes of productive work to add to my 2 hours already today. I really do fail don’t I.
BRH
<3
I also adore Iheartit too. My procrastinating friends have introduced me to such sites online and now I cannot seem to prise myself off of them! They’re just full of wonderful pictures and quotes that I wish I was orginal enough to create myself.
On another tangent, I have the shopping bug. I have brought hideous amounts for my holiday; I mean I now have 6 bikinis for goodness sake! I was adventurous with some of my purchases I have to admit – a white nautical looking jumpsuit with black and red horizontal stripes and gold detailing. I adore it, it just looks so cute and vintage in it’s own little way, but at the same time I’m not sure if I suit it too well… I think I am too plain to go out and buy quirky items of clothing and I definitely couldn’t take any comments or criticism for them that’s for sure. So I am considering returning that particular item of clothing after showing it to my mum, she’ll tell me the truth.
The subject that is being carefully avoided and is the centre of my life at the moment is of course exams. They aren’t going too badly at the moment… my revision on the other hand is. It is suffering at the hands of such sites as facebook, blogspot, tumblr and iheartit. These are the most pathetic wastes of time, I am not even slightly enriching my life with these – even tidying my room would be a better way to spend my time, but I feel because I am sat near my revision table and books that it is better for me than wandering off. Ridiculous really, isn’t it!
Must dash now, do some 45 minutes of productive work to add to my 2 hours already today. I really do fail don’t I.
BRH
<3
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Things that I would like:
Mr Orlando Bloom ♥
A cup of tea. Especially one shaped like this, sums up my feelings rather aptly
To be good at photography pretty please
July 1st, Marmaris with my girls
The type of love that does not exist ♥
Summer
Reading Festival 2010
Konstantine, Something Corporate ♥
A cup of tea. Especially one shaped like this, sums up my feelings rather aptly
To be good at photography pretty please
July 1st, Marmaris with my girls
The type of love that does not exist ♥
Summer
Reading Festival 2010
Konstantine, Something Corporate ♥
Friday, 4 June 2010
Emotions should not exist.
Three blog entries in the last two days, that must tell you something at least about my utter frustration with life at the moment.
I cannot do this! I have revised and revised but I don’t feel like I could be anymore prepared now – like I have just accepted my failure because I definately am NOT prepared. I don’t want to fail! I want to write an eloquent and fluent essay on Athenian foreign policy between 431-404BC/the importance of Lysander in Spartan war effort, but I just can’t. It is beyond my abilities. I look back at things I have written before and admire them for their quality but I am literally just failing now. How do I get better in 3 days? It is impossible. I just want to burst into a flood of tears right now.
I want to go to Nottingham so bad.
I can’t do it.
I will let myself down, like usual, because of my lazy attitude and lack of knowledge.
Hate myself.
It doesn’t help that I feel completely disconnected from my friends. I do not have a best friend anymore, not since getting a boyfriend. My two friends whom I consider to be the closest don’t even offer to get me out my house these days, I just see on facebook that they have hung and out OH LOOK AT ALL THOSE PRIVATE JOKES. Oh, boy that makes me feel so good, please make sure NOT to invite me next time yeah? Woo.
I just feel so hopelessly enveloped in a deep, deep hole and I can’t seem to climb my way out.
Help.
I cannot do this! I have revised and revised but I don’t feel like I could be anymore prepared now – like I have just accepted my failure because I definately am NOT prepared. I don’t want to fail! I want to write an eloquent and fluent essay on Athenian foreign policy between 431-404BC/the importance of Lysander in Spartan war effort, but I just can’t. It is beyond my abilities. I look back at things I have written before and admire them for their quality but I am literally just failing now. How do I get better in 3 days? It is impossible. I just want to burst into a flood of tears right now.
I want to go to Nottingham so bad.
I can’t do it.
I will let myself down, like usual, because of my lazy attitude and lack of knowledge.
Hate myself.
It doesn’t help that I feel completely disconnected from my friends. I do not have a best friend anymore, not since getting a boyfriend. My two friends whom I consider to be the closest don’t even offer to get me out my house these days, I just see on facebook that they have hung and out OH LOOK AT ALL THOSE PRIVATE JOKES. Oh, boy that makes me feel so good, please make sure NOT to invite me next time yeah? Woo.
I just feel so hopelessly enveloped in a deep, deep hole and I can’t seem to climb my way out.
Help.
Just a Quickie
I had the scariest dream EVER last night.
You know one of those ones where you’re suddenly in an exam room taking a test? Well, mine was supposed to be English Literature A2 so I looked at the first page and started answering the questions. I then realized that I had 15 minutes left to write an essay and I answered the wrong questions – I literally ran out of the exam hall (with my exam paper) crying! The my teacher bought me back in and said I could do it at home because I wasn’t even doing English Literature to A2 level. I was like; whaaaaat!?
I think this symbolizes my absolute fear for my up and coming history A2 exam.
It is such a nice day and I want to be outside sunbathing or shopping or something, not just having overslept and now forcing myself to revise.
Utter HATRED of revision life.
BRH
<3
You know one of those ones where you’re suddenly in an exam room taking a test? Well, mine was supposed to be English Literature A2 so I looked at the first page and started answering the questions. I then realized that I had 15 minutes left to write an essay and I answered the wrong questions – I literally ran out of the exam hall (with my exam paper) crying! The my teacher bought me back in and said I could do it at home because I wasn’t even doing English Literature to A2 level. I was like; whaaaaat!?
I think this symbolizes my absolute fear for my up and coming history A2 exam.
It is such a nice day and I want to be outside sunbathing or shopping or something, not just having overslept and now forcing myself to revise.
Utter HATRED of revision life.
BRH
<3
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Who I am hates who I’ve been.
Well, more like who I’ve been hates who I am really. I miss those carefree summer days where you could wear shorts, shirts and dresses and bare your legs without a thought. I was never once worried about how fat my legs were in comparison to my best friends or that I may have a tiny muffin top over a pair of shorts, but now? Oh boy, I have mutated into that hideous calorie counting girl I have always hated. How did this happen?! I used to despise those girls who checked how many calories a glass of water was - I thought they did it for attention just to highlight the fact that they were the skinniest thing you have ever seen in your life. But now I am doing it without a second thought – my boyfriend hands me a cookie and my first thought? HOW MANY CALORIES? It’s not like it even matters, I know I am not fat – if I put a picture of myself online I think that I would get hate mail for just writing this. I just am striving to be healthier however I feel that joining the college gym has not helped me with my body image. I go to the gym a fair few times a week but have not lost weight, if anything gained, but yet it hasn’t once crossed my mind that perhaps I’m not meant to be skinnier – that I would look strange with a chopping board flat stomach and without my hamster style chubbster cheeks. I hope that during summer, without my added stresses of exams etc, that I will be able to relax and actually get used to the person that I have become and not struggle to change everything about myself. I would like some self acceptance.
Also in my updates is another strange crush of mine. You ready? Jake Gyllenhaal, in the Prince of Persia. I am fully aware that Jake Gyllenhaal is a normal crush to have but I doubt that many other girls fancies him in Persian robes with vaguely long and unkept hair and a face full of stubble. Corrrr, come on though, how are you not attracted to this:
He’s bloody gorgeous. I had to close my mouth from gawping whilst watching him free running and being all muscley in the cinema with my boyfriendn (just look at those arms). To be fair, look at the actress – she’s gorgeous too so I think we were both too preoccupied with the screen to notice each other being preoccupied with the screen!
The film itself is so much like Aladdin it’s unreal!
The Nizam evil guy is totally Jafar:
Prince Dastan is Aladdin with his free running skills and cheeky nature. I half expected the song ‘One Jump Ahead’ to start playing during some scenes!
“This is no ordinary lamp” is translated to “This is no ordinary dagger!”
In all seriousness, go and see the film. It is indescribably good (in my opinion) however I may have just ruined it slightly for you by the comparison to Aladdin… you’ll see what I mean!
Anyway, back to revision!
BRH <3
Also in my updates is another strange crush of mine. You ready? Jake Gyllenhaal, in the Prince of Persia. I am fully aware that Jake Gyllenhaal is a normal crush to have but I doubt that many other girls fancies him in Persian robes with vaguely long and unkept hair and a face full of stubble. Corrrr, come on though, how are you not attracted to this:
He’s bloody gorgeous. I had to close my mouth from gawping whilst watching him free running and being all muscley in the cinema with my boyfriendn (just look at those arms). To be fair, look at the actress – she’s gorgeous too so I think we were both too preoccupied with the screen to notice each other being preoccupied with the screen!
The film itself is so much like Aladdin it’s unreal!
The Nizam evil guy is totally Jafar:
Prince Dastan is Aladdin with his free running skills and cheeky nature. I half expected the song ‘One Jump Ahead’ to start playing during some scenes!
“This is no ordinary lamp” is translated to “This is no ordinary dagger!”
In all seriousness, go and see the film. It is indescribably good (in my opinion) however I may have just ruined it slightly for you by the comparison to Aladdin… you’ll see what I mean!
Anyway, back to revision!
BRH <3
Friday, 28 May 2010
End of an Era
So, it was my last day of college today – EVER. How strange/weird/scary/enter any word which describes my emotion, nostalgia and sadness about this. I can’t even comprehend how fast that time went, if I could give advice to any of the up and coming first years I think it would be: WORK in your first year, yeah sure play is fun but you will regret it second year when you are retaking what feels like your whole life in exams; don’t hate it – college is actually really fun if you stop complaining and especially once you realize that after college, you have to grow up; don’t be disappointed just because your life doesn’t turn into skins once out of school, let’s face it, who even wants to be a skanky drug whore anyway? Those kids are jerks.
I have had so many good times at that place, especially the second year when I’ve met so many new friends – being 18 really is the shit. I’m not kidding. I was pretty much the eldest in my year, being born in September and everything, so I don’t feel the pain of the younger kids only just turning 18, but when you do everything feels brighter! ADULTHOOD! You could look at it like, ohhh man responsibilities OR you could do what we do and get crunk off your faces at every opportunity you get – that’s right, it doesn’t get old!
I don’t even regret having a boyfriend throughout college - I’d hate to have gained a name for myself/got pregnant/got syphilis. Although slagging round does sound kinda fun… not sleeping round, just dancing/flirting/cheeky kissing anyone you fancy. Doesn’t that sound like an enjoyable evening?! University, if I end up being separated and single again, ought to be rather lush.
Now this is something I am defiantly looking forward to! NOTTINGHAM! Although, I have to get through these exams that at the moment I seem to be failing… I have been getting straight A’s throughout my time but recently have slipped spectacularly to a C. Plus, I now have the fear after my resit I did the other day. Seriously, I forgot how terrifying that feeling is when you forget everything in an exam situation.
On that note.
Revise time.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
BRH <3
I am getting crunk tonight for the first time without my boyfriend being there in a while… I feel getting CRUUUUNK and flirting/cheeky dancing, wouldn’t you? Ohh, don’t judge, you’d be the same!
I have had so many good times at that place, especially the second year when I’ve met so many new friends – being 18 really is the shit. I’m not kidding. I was pretty much the eldest in my year, being born in September and everything, so I don’t feel the pain of the younger kids only just turning 18, but when you do everything feels brighter! ADULTHOOD! You could look at it like, ohhh man responsibilities OR you could do what we do and get crunk off your faces at every opportunity you get – that’s right, it doesn’t get old!
I don’t even regret having a boyfriend throughout college - I’d hate to have gained a name for myself/got pregnant/got syphilis. Although slagging round does sound kinda fun… not sleeping round, just dancing/flirting/cheeky kissing anyone you fancy. Doesn’t that sound like an enjoyable evening?! University, if I end up being separated and single again, ought to be rather lush.
Now this is something I am defiantly looking forward to! NOTTINGHAM! Although, I have to get through these exams that at the moment I seem to be failing… I have been getting straight A’s throughout my time but recently have slipped spectacularly to a C. Plus, I now have the fear after my resit I did the other day. Seriously, I forgot how terrifying that feeling is when you forget everything in an exam situation.
The kings… the kings… what the fuck do I know about the fucking kings… quotes… I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!PANICPANICPANIC! It’s awful! And yet I don’t seem to be actively revising much… RIGHT need to do this. I have my first exam in a reaaaaally short space of time. In fact, it is in 10 days. Awr fuck.
On that note.
Revise time.
BRH <3
I am getting crunk tonight for the first time without my boyfriend being there in a while… I feel getting CRUUUUNK and flirting/cheeky dancing, wouldn’t you? Ohh, don’t judge, you’d be the same!
Thursday, 20 May 2010
It's a shame you don't know what you're running from.
I have a big fat exam tomorrow. Ok, sure it is a retake, but an ACTUAL exam. I think that I have done hardly any revision for it – the odd hour here and there dedicated (I may be slightly under exaggerating) but who am I going to blame if I fail (yes, I did just type when and delete is as I do not want to tempt fate just yet). Well I shall tell you – not myself. I have this sneaky habit of finding useful and well placed scapegoats for such events, I just need to find one if I end up failing my life and going to Portsmouth University. Ok, there’s nothing wrong with Portsmouth but it’s no Nottingham right? It will probably end up being my boyfriend who has actually been more understanding about the less time together thing during exams than I expected! He is an unpredictable fellow at times and I was very worried about this time apart. To be frank, we both know it is pretty bad at this point in time – mostly because of me. As my mother nicely put it, we’re stale. I just haven’t yet worked out the trick of spicing things up yet, spicing MYSELF up. How is it that I am the same, if not more, energetic and bubbly person whilst around my friends and act like a zombie around the person that I love? It feels like a habit – something that I can’t actually see a way out of. I know I need to slap myself in the face and move forwards with something, anything. We’re in a rut and I need to man up, strap on a pair and DEAL with it – I just can’t seem to find those strap-on-able testicles through the shroud of darkness when I’m with him. How bad is that?
On a brighter note Ellie Goulding’s album is beautiful. It speaks to me more than many artists have before – Kelly Clarkson; Vanessa Carlton; Imogen Heap are examples of other indescribable artists that have just struck that chord in my soul. How cheesey does that sound, I know! But just give her a listen, she just makes sense. Her lyrics, her unique voice and her electro-like but soft, musical melodies are just… beyond words. Absolutely massive girl crush. Ellie, I take salute you.
I have had such an ingenious idea. If I got a formspring, but only put a link to it on here! Ok, I know I sound like I'm mad but I am intrigued as to how many people actually look at my blog. Ok, a stupid idea I know. You could just leave a comment expressing that you read it. So much easier! Ahh, I am a wasted mind.
BRH <3
On a brighter note Ellie Goulding’s album is beautiful. It speaks to me more than many artists have before – Kelly Clarkson; Vanessa Carlton; Imogen Heap are examples of other indescribable artists that have just struck that chord in my soul. How cheesey does that sound, I know! But just give her a listen, she just makes sense. Her lyrics, her unique voice and her electro-like but soft, musical melodies are just… beyond words. Absolutely massive girl crush. Ellie, I take salute you.
I have had such an ingenious idea. If I got a formspring, but only put a link to it on here! Ok, I know I sound like I'm mad but I am intrigued as to how many people actually look at my blog. Ok, a stupid idea I know. You could just leave a comment expressing that you read it. So much easier! Ahh, I am a wasted mind.
BRH <3
Friday, 14 May 2010
The girl who fails at life #2
Here is another list of why I fail – I am just going to bullet point this entry for a couple of reasons. Mostly for lazy purposes but my brain is frying from trying to cram Ancient Greek History also. Who cares about Lysander or Alcibiades? I could definitely live without Plutarch and his stupid unreliable biographies too. If I pass this exam it shall be an actual Godly miracle and I may start attending church.
1) I am going to a party tonight instead of studying. I know, makes a change. I also have work tomorrow which is just an even bigger fail. My friends who do not have jobs seem to think this shall be easy, working hungover. They do NOT understand. It is horrendous.
2) At this party my boyfriend and I are guaranteed to argue – it’s a tradition as Tom and Caroline are not going. Someone needs to, and it always seems to be at this same house. This girl is also my best friend so I feel bad when I anger my boyfriend and he, for example, punches a picture on the wall sending glass fragments flying everywhere and getting stuck in everyones feet for the rest of the night. I offered to pay, but she is far too lovely to accept. I may leave money in her house one day to make up for it – I feel so bad when my unruly and angry boyfriend gets out of control because of me. I am a pretty awful girlfriend in that respect.
3) Ok so I can’t think of any other reasons as to why I am a fail – I just am, ok?
So there’s this thing going around – the latest internet craze if you will: formspring. It is really the most ridiculous idea as it just leads to bitching about people instead of its intended use of asking anonymous questions. But I am intrigued by this and really want to get one! This plan only has one flaw – I have the largest self esteem issues and would cry if anyone wrote anything mean and also my life is not controversial in the slightest. People would have nothing to write on there except mean things as my life has nothing exciting or outrageous events occurring in it at the moment, and even if it did I’m not sure if I’d like to be picked up for it all anyway. Ok, so formspring is definitely not a good idea for me! I’m just so curious…
Anyway, wish me luck for my party tonight. Random and badly written entry, so apologies but I was bored with revision and procrastination is the answer! I did tell you you’d be hearing from me an awful lot during this period of my life!
BRH <3
1) I am going to a party tonight instead of studying. I know, makes a change. I also have work tomorrow which is just an even bigger fail. My friends who do not have jobs seem to think this shall be easy, working hungover. They do NOT understand. It is horrendous.
2) At this party my boyfriend and I are guaranteed to argue – it’s a tradition as Tom and Caroline are not going. Someone needs to, and it always seems to be at this same house. This girl is also my best friend so I feel bad when I anger my boyfriend and he, for example, punches a picture on the wall sending glass fragments flying everywhere and getting stuck in everyones feet for the rest of the night. I offered to pay, but she is far too lovely to accept. I may leave money in her house one day to make up for it – I feel so bad when my unruly and angry boyfriend gets out of control because of me. I am a pretty awful girlfriend in that respect.
3) Ok so I can’t think of any other reasons as to why I am a fail – I just am, ok?
So there’s this thing going around – the latest internet craze if you will: formspring. It is really the most ridiculous idea as it just leads to bitching about people instead of its intended use of asking anonymous questions. But I am intrigued by this and really want to get one! This plan only has one flaw – I have the largest self esteem issues and would cry if anyone wrote anything mean and also my life is not controversial in the slightest. People would have nothing to write on there except mean things as my life has nothing exciting or outrageous events occurring in it at the moment, and even if it did I’m not sure if I’d like to be picked up for it all anyway. Ok, so formspring is definitely not a good idea for me! I’m just so curious…
Anyway, wish me luck for my party tonight. Random and badly written entry, so apologies but I was bored with revision and procrastination is the answer! I did tell you you’d be hearing from me an awful lot during this period of my life!
BRH <3
Monday, 10 May 2010
You fulfil my fantasies in my head.
My life at the moment isn’t the most fantastic of worlds for a number of reasons.
For one, I am a bitch. Yep, that’s it. I can’t even believe that I have been having some of the awful thoughts I have been recently and actually almost acting on them. I would have pretty much messed up my college life when I only have three weeks left. It would have been ruined in a couple of stupid and un-thought-out mistakes that really, when I look back on them now, aren’t worth bothering about. I mean, when has life ever been easy at the best of times never mind after a life altering decision? I am still so naïve sometimes about life and other people that it scares me – I am very much not ready to leave home into the big wide world and actually be an adult. And that day is approaching FAR too fast for my liking!
For seconds, all the world seems to be talking about at the moment is ‘The Fear’. For those of you unaware of this hideous feeling, it is the emotion felt when you realise that you have exams terrifyingly soon and that you know absolutely nothing. I have this feeling. However, my friends seem to be positively acting on this – revising and panicking etc. I seem to just be my usual lazy self. Bury head in the sand syndrome. That means that the time won’t actually arrive, right? WRONG. It is going to. I need to aspire in myself ‘The Terror’. “If I do not get my grades I am actually going to cry. For about 5 years” says one little voice in my head. There is another small one whispering desperately “please do some work!” but this seems to be being drowned out by my lazy voice who seems to think that I can blag the upcoming most important exams of my LIFE (so far).
So the sort my life out plan has not worked.
I should just rename this blog – the girl who fails at life because that is all I seem to be describing at the moment! Well, I hope I am making you feel more positive about yours at least.
BRH <3
For one, I am a bitch. Yep, that’s it. I can’t even believe that I have been having some of the awful thoughts I have been recently and actually almost acting on them. I would have pretty much messed up my college life when I only have three weeks left. It would have been ruined in a couple of stupid and un-thought-out mistakes that really, when I look back on them now, aren’t worth bothering about. I mean, when has life ever been easy at the best of times never mind after a life altering decision? I am still so naïve sometimes about life and other people that it scares me – I am very much not ready to leave home into the big wide world and actually be an adult. And that day is approaching FAR too fast for my liking!
For seconds, all the world seems to be talking about at the moment is ‘The Fear’. For those of you unaware of this hideous feeling, it is the emotion felt when you realise that you have exams terrifyingly soon and that you know absolutely nothing. I have this feeling. However, my friends seem to be positively acting on this – revising and panicking etc. I seem to just be my usual lazy self. Bury head in the sand syndrome. That means that the time won’t actually arrive, right? WRONG. It is going to. I need to aspire in myself ‘The Terror’. “If I do not get my grades I am actually going to cry. For about 5 years” says one little voice in my head. There is another small one whispering desperately “please do some work!” but this seems to be being drowned out by my lazy voice who seems to think that I can blag the upcoming most important exams of my LIFE (so far).
So the sort my life out plan has not worked.
I should just rename this blog – the girl who fails at life because that is all I seem to be describing at the moment! Well, I hope I am making you feel more positive about yours at least.
BRH <3
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Everything I want, but all that I don't need.
I do this thing sometimes where I write myself a list of things that I think of to blog about – stupid little things on a whim that I feel like having a rant about usually! But I have waited so long since my last blog that many things I wrote down I can’t actually remember what I wanted to say; my sister thoughts, doughnuts and blossom were on my list.
My most important one I shall write about though is my life. I need a detox. I realised how absolutely awful I am at saying no to alcohol too this week. Friday foam party. OH MY LORD the best thing ever, trust me if you ever get the chance to go to one – DO IT! Unless you have a phobia of drowning... the foam actually came up to my neck from the floor at one point and my tall friend rescued me! Anyway, got very drunk then. Sunday it was an acquaintances BBQ/party thing where I ended up actively driving home so I could drink. Tuesday I skipped work (so my new manager now despises me – although the person who was MEANT to be covering for me bailed last minute urggh) to go out and get drunk and see La Roux with my extremely bad influential friend. It was an ok night too. And Wednesday, last night, I went out for my boyfriends birthday (and therefore first night out) and ended up getting smashed off my face.
So I decided I want a new job, a new attitude and a generally new me!! I am not happy with my life at the moment and I realise that I have to just cut all those negative feelings away, watch them float off into the sunset and wish them good riddance on their journey.
But have I actually done this yet? No. Fail life.
I also would LOVE a tattoo, as part of my pro change attitude I guess. I probably like the idea of one more than actually going through with it though – I’d like a musical note protruding from a birdies mouth having a lovely singsong, but I don’t know the design or where I’d get it either – ankle is a cute thing and easy to hide too... but when I get old or pregnant it might go funny. And it would HURT! Argh, maybe I should just leave my body alone? What to do, what to do?
This was a random, awfully written post. Apologies. Not that anyone is actually reading this but hey! :)
BRH <3
My most important one I shall write about though is my life. I need a detox. I realised how absolutely awful I am at saying no to alcohol too this week. Friday foam party. OH MY LORD the best thing ever, trust me if you ever get the chance to go to one – DO IT! Unless you have a phobia of drowning... the foam actually came up to my neck from the floor at one point and my tall friend rescued me! Anyway, got very drunk then. Sunday it was an acquaintances BBQ/party thing where I ended up actively driving home so I could drink. Tuesday I skipped work (so my new manager now despises me – although the person who was MEANT to be covering for me bailed last minute urggh) to go out and get drunk and see La Roux with my extremely bad influential friend. It was an ok night too. And Wednesday, last night, I went out for my boyfriends birthday (and therefore first night out) and ended up getting smashed off my face.
So I decided I want a new job, a new attitude and a generally new me!! I am not happy with my life at the moment and I realise that I have to just cut all those negative feelings away, watch them float off into the sunset and wish them good riddance on their journey.
But have I actually done this yet? No. Fail life.
I also would LOVE a tattoo, as part of my pro change attitude I guess. I probably like the idea of one more than actually going through with it though – I’d like a musical note protruding from a birdies mouth having a lovely singsong, but I don’t know the design or where I’d get it either – ankle is a cute thing and easy to hide too... but when I get old or pregnant it might go funny. And it would HURT! Argh, maybe I should just leave my body alone? What to do, what to do?
This was a random, awfully written post. Apologies. Not that anyone is actually reading this but hey! :)
BRH <3
Monday, 26 April 2010
'When I grow up, I wanna be famous'
I was watching the small children of Brighton Hill Community College saunter in with attitude through the gates today from my usual 8.20am bus and wondered whether it was just the new generation, or whether we were like that? Where have the normal children gone?! From what I saw, the school uniform has been replaced with leather jacket, tight skirts, large handbags, staggeringly high heels and blackberry phones! I mean, come on. When I was at school I didn’t even know what jimmy choos were, never mind wearing them to my 9am science lesson! Ok, so I may be exaggerating a smidge, but my point is that I don’t remember anyone when I was my age being so provocative. Perhaps I have this opinion because I am secretly jealous that pre-teens are able to dress themselves better than my adult self. I think so.
On a lighter note, I went round my friend’s house the other day and was absolutely astounded by it. It was a typical Victorian looking terrace house from the outside but it was actually like the Tardis, I’m not joking! When I went in I was shocked by how many rooms there were and how large they were! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to cause offense because I love it - it was how I hope my house to look when I can afford one; wooden flooring with quirky ornaments and candles on shelves, with a homely and charming feel about the place. It was the type of house that had that one squeaky stair and that sneaky hole in the floor no one had got round to fixing yet, and yet it had so much character that it completely charmed me! A lonely difference I would have is floral wallpaper. Everywhere! I wish that I had creative interior designing skills – I could then manage, perhaps, to get round to changing my room into a young adults space! My mum did my room for me that I have at the moment – it’s blue on bottom, wavy white line and then purple on top. I do like it, but I feel that I have out grown it. Either that or I’m bored and fancy some patterns to brighten it up! I’d like some floral wallpaper ever so much...
Blogging really is something that is pointless – as my mum pointed out the other day whilst researching chickens for a lesson plan (she is training to be a primary school teacher) and found a blog absolutely devoted to the birds. But I really find it fun. I haven’t worked out the reasons for this yet – I’m not like my other friend, who treats her blog like an online diary where she writes her innermost feelings and secrets but won’t tell anyone the url. I just write about everyday, mundane things really! I mean, sexualised school girls, quirky Victorian houses, interior designing and a moan about my bedroom is hardly the most exciting read in the world is it? I just like the feeling of writing and not knowing if anyone else is reading or not – it’s an exciting thought that someone may actually be reading this! It’s like being a published, anonymous writer almost! I did get into fanfiction last year as an outlet for my writing but I think I prefer this. I left one of my stories half finished much to my awaiting followers disgrace I’m sure, but I have completely run dry of fun and light hearted ideas for a game of truth and dare... So this is my new writing thing! Helps me to acknowledge I can still write in full sentences for one – science steals this from me!
Anywho, better be off to do some light work. Nothing strenuous, don’t you worry!
BRH <3
On a lighter note, I went round my friend’s house the other day and was absolutely astounded by it. It was a typical Victorian looking terrace house from the outside but it was actually like the Tardis, I’m not joking! When I went in I was shocked by how many rooms there were and how large they were! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to cause offense because I love it - it was how I hope my house to look when I can afford one; wooden flooring with quirky ornaments and candles on shelves, with a homely and charming feel about the place. It was the type of house that had that one squeaky stair and that sneaky hole in the floor no one had got round to fixing yet, and yet it had so much character that it completely charmed me! A lonely difference I would have is floral wallpaper. Everywhere! I wish that I had creative interior designing skills – I could then manage, perhaps, to get round to changing my room into a young adults space! My mum did my room for me that I have at the moment – it’s blue on bottom, wavy white line and then purple on top. I do like it, but I feel that I have out grown it. Either that or I’m bored and fancy some patterns to brighten it up! I’d like some floral wallpaper ever so much...
Blogging really is something that is pointless – as my mum pointed out the other day whilst researching chickens for a lesson plan (she is training to be a primary school teacher) and found a blog absolutely devoted to the birds. But I really find it fun. I haven’t worked out the reasons for this yet – I’m not like my other friend, who treats her blog like an online diary where she writes her innermost feelings and secrets but won’t tell anyone the url. I just write about everyday, mundane things really! I mean, sexualised school girls, quirky Victorian houses, interior designing and a moan about my bedroom is hardly the most exciting read in the world is it? I just like the feeling of writing and not knowing if anyone else is reading or not – it’s an exciting thought that someone may actually be reading this! It’s like being a published, anonymous writer almost! I did get into fanfiction last year as an outlet for my writing but I think I prefer this. I left one of my stories half finished much to my awaiting followers disgrace I’m sure, but I have completely run dry of fun and light hearted ideas for a game of truth and dare... So this is my new writing thing! Helps me to acknowledge I can still write in full sentences for one – science steals this from me!
Anywho, better be off to do some light work. Nothing strenuous, don’t you worry!
BRH <3
Friday, 23 April 2010
Dear, John
I went to see the movie Dear, John yesterday. The music in it was beautiful but oh my lord, it was the most traumatic movie I have been put through for a long time. The first half of the film is one of those that makes you hate your boring life – it’s got the sex, it’s got the surfing, it’s got the helping autistic kids learn to horse ride. It’s got everything which equals a perfect life basically. However, the second half is just a massive rollercoaster of emotional turmoil. There’s heartbreak, shootings, strokes, deaths and it leaves you involuntarily crying for about an hour. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a film to make you lose faith in love – almost the opposite – but the second half did help me to slightly embrace and love the mundanity of my little life, and in that way I found it slightly inspirational.
I just dislike some films because they instil a certain hope for happiness and love in you when you are a child, which is completely fantasy, let’s face it. I’m sure that perfect situations do occur in many peoples lives – it just won’t be mine. I am not saying that my life is awful, it’s just not filled to the brim with sparkle and romance! I feel Marina and the Diamonds summed it up well with their lyrics:
Dear John did, however, make my stomach turn at the thought of what’s to come. I leave for university and am leaving behind (well he’s also going to uni, but you get my drift) my long term boyfriend of a year and nine months. On one hand I don’t want to go to university with a boyfriend. I think that everyone wants the chance to put themselves out there on the dating scene when so many new people are thrust into your face. But I really do love him. I don’t want him to run off with some other girl and be happy and for me not to know what he’s up to or to snuggle up with him on his bed and fall asleep in the middle of the day as we do at the moment. Those little sneaked moments in the day are perfection. I am just scared for our relationship and whether it would actually work in a long distance scenario. I obviously shouldn’t base on other peoples’ but I know two other couples who did not last – this has not inspired hope for me.
I also would like a pen pal. I may get one of my friends to converse with me in this way rather than phone calls and facebook – I haven’t written an actual letter on actual paper in many years. It's all emails and texts these days isn't it? It'd be nice to go 'old school' I think! I may invest in some nice writing paper and a fountain pen... PAPERCHASE! I literally love that shop.
Anyway, to leave you now with a lovely thought. I do have a rather strange crush at the moment. Syeed from Eastenders? I know, I know. You think I’m very odd – you probably do not find him attractive and he also plays a GAY character on screen, but I think he’s really nommy! Teehee!
MUCHO LOVE!
BRH <3
I just dislike some films because they instil a certain hope for happiness and love in you when you are a child, which is completely fantasy, let’s face it. I’m sure that perfect situations do occur in many peoples lives – it just won’t be mine. I am not saying that my life is awful, it’s just not filled to the brim with sparkle and romance! I feel Marina and the Diamonds summed it up well with their lyrics:
“Hollywood infected your brain, you wanna kiss it in the rain”Yeah, doesn’t happen. If only...
Dear John did, however, make my stomach turn at the thought of what’s to come. I leave for university and am leaving behind (well he’s also going to uni, but you get my drift) my long term boyfriend of a year and nine months. On one hand I don’t want to go to university with a boyfriend. I think that everyone wants the chance to put themselves out there on the dating scene when so many new people are thrust into your face. But I really do love him. I don’t want him to run off with some other girl and be happy and for me not to know what he’s up to or to snuggle up with him on his bed and fall asleep in the middle of the day as we do at the moment. Those little sneaked moments in the day are perfection. I am just scared for our relationship and whether it would actually work in a long distance scenario. I obviously shouldn’t base on other peoples’ but I know two other couples who did not last – this has not inspired hope for me.
I also would like a pen pal. I may get one of my friends to converse with me in this way rather than phone calls and facebook – I haven’t written an actual letter on actual paper in many years. It's all emails and texts these days isn't it? It'd be nice to go 'old school' I think! I may invest in some nice writing paper and a fountain pen... PAPERCHASE! I literally love that shop.
Anyway, to leave you now with a lovely thought. I do have a rather strange crush at the moment. Syeed from Eastenders? I know, I know. You think I’m very odd – you probably do not find him attractive and he also plays a GAY character on screen, but I think he’s really nommy! Teehee!
MUCHO LOVE!
BRH <3
Friday, 16 April 2010
Politics and University
I have been trying my hardest to get into politics recently, I really have. The general election is on 6th May 2010 and it is my first time being able to vote, having turned 18 last September! This should excite me, I know, but politics is such a drag! The live debate I attempted to watch didn’t absolve my attention as much as facebook. I am such an irresponsible adult. I think that I rather like the Lib Dems policies – my Dad is absolutely dead set against them (well, against all parties actually, the grumpy old man) because of their immigration system. I personally think this is put well and has the potential to resolve some issues with the proportion of immigrant’s living in certain areas. For example – Leicester is now apparently the first British city where a white, British citizen is in the minority. With work permits that do not allow immigrants to live there, it would mean that other predominately white areas of the country could get a boost in numbers (increasing the economy of the area perhaps) and also would retain, or at least not increase, the immigrant numbers where they are very common. It seems like a perfectly fair and understandable policy (also used in other countries and is proved to work!). Don’t take me for being racist by any means, I am going to Nottingham and study Pharmacy. I don’t think that doing either of these things you could have racist thoughts, do you? But anyway, at the moment I think that I shall vote Lib Dem. My only problem is that it feels like a slightly wasted vote, if my area is so Tory. I know, I know! If everyone thought like me then the Torys would never be torn from Basingstoke power and Lib Dems would never have a chance.
Hmph.
Oh, I decided on a University (as previously mentioned) – Nottingham as a firm choice and Portsmouth as an insurance. I’m not going to lie, I desperately am hoping that I get my grades as I didn’t like Portsmouth HALF as much as Nottingham! I chose Nottingham for so many reasons though. It’s one of the best for Pharmacy in the UK, AAB is a reachable grade target to aim for (I hope!), I can live on a beautiful campus where they can cater for me (no cooking for the first year, nomnom) and the course itself is massively prestigious! Even though it is ages away from home I feel that this isn’t such a bad point! Absolute independence here I come! Ok, so not absolute as I shall be ‘following’ my sister up there. I am worried from what a dick said once about me “always fucking copying her”. I feel that people may judge me for doing this. I mean, I went to all the same learning institutions, studying almost the same things as her and now going to Notts and studying a similar subject. Her life = better version of mine. I shouldn’t really say that. Oh well :\
Only problem is with the whole ‘AH uni is so close’ thing, is that exams are closer. AHHH. Revision hasn’t quite started yet. FML. Less than 6 weeks till my first exam. OK PANIC PANIC PANIC. So guess what I am up to today? Panicking and ‘revising’. It is a definate fact that I shall be blogging (probably about my stress and pure hatred for bio/chemi/anc history) more during exam time - got to love procrastination! Sigh. Immense dislike for the next couple of months of my life.
BRH
<3
Hmph.
Oh, I decided on a University (as previously mentioned) – Nottingham as a firm choice and Portsmouth as an insurance. I’m not going to lie, I desperately am hoping that I get my grades as I didn’t like Portsmouth HALF as much as Nottingham! I chose Nottingham for so many reasons though. It’s one of the best for Pharmacy in the UK, AAB is a reachable grade target to aim for (I hope!), I can live on a beautiful campus where they can cater for me (no cooking for the first year, nomnom) and the course itself is massively prestigious! Even though it is ages away from home I feel that this isn’t such a bad point! Absolute independence here I come! Ok, so not absolute as I shall be ‘following’ my sister up there. I am worried from what a dick said once about me “always fucking copying her”. I feel that people may judge me for doing this. I mean, I went to all the same learning institutions, studying almost the same things as her and now going to Notts and studying a similar subject. Her life = better version of mine. I shouldn’t really say that. Oh well :\
Only problem is with the whole ‘AH uni is so close’ thing, is that exams are closer. AHHH. Revision hasn’t quite started yet. FML. Less than 6 weeks till my first exam. OK PANIC PANIC PANIC. So guess what I am up to today? Panicking and ‘revising’. It is a definate fact that I shall be blogging (probably about my stress and pure hatred for bio/chemi/anc history) more during exam time - got to love procrastination! Sigh. Immense dislike for the next couple of months of my life.
BRH
<3
Friday, 9 April 2010
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade
Why is it that when one part of your life suddenly betters itself 1000 fold, the other half suddenly takes a dive? Why is it that I literally cannot look at some people because I don’t want to be involved with their sordid little lies at the moment. I don’t think that I can actually be around people who will piss on my parade at the moment – my life is actually really great at this point in time (yeah I know, makes a change!). I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I am looking forward to this summer more than possibly imaginable. Marmaris with the gals – ok, so this may have drawbacks if any of my friends decide they hate me/hate themselves/hate the place/generally moans and everyone wants to hit them in the face. I know it’s massively chavvy and we’re RIGHT in the centre of the hub too, but I just love travelling. The airport, the aeroplane, the apartment – the ADVENTURE! It’s just so inspiring visiting all these new places and looking at things in such a different way. Ok, so this time I go abroad it’s going to be a drunken mess with my friends where I shall not be culturally enlightened and probably have more of a chance to lounge around and get a tan, but you know what, I’m actually ok with this! I also have my ticket to Reading Festival 2010. Last year was rather swell but I predict this year to be even better to be honest. Lots more drinking, lots more dancing and because we’ve been there before I reckon we’ll be able to relax that little bit more!
So from this post you might think that I live for alcohol. The sad truth is that much of what I enjoy at the moment is, unfortunately, surrounded with a shroud of vodka. I live for my student nights. I am able to go out, without a care in the world, no one to shout at me, no one to give a shit and lose all inhibitions and just have a good time. When I say lose inhibitions, I don’t actually just throw my morals out the window. I have a boyfriend and obviously never have and never will cheat on him! I just enjoy that freedom, not having him with his arm around my waist and guys chatting to me. Sometimes just to reassure me that I’ve still got it, if all went tits up!
OH, I just reread my last entry. I did go to the gym and (I hate to say this), kind of loved it! Argh, me? Loving exercise? But I am now, not a regular, but definitely in the gym about... once a week maybe? Better than nothing I say
So, in conclusion:
The SUN is out!
My boyfriend and I are excellent!
I am extremely happy!
I am stoked for this summer!
And I do not have time for you to be pissing all over my mood!
BRH
<3
So from this post you might think that I live for alcohol. The sad truth is that much of what I enjoy at the moment is, unfortunately, surrounded with a shroud of vodka. I live for my student nights. I am able to go out, without a care in the world, no one to shout at me, no one to give a shit and lose all inhibitions and just have a good time. When I say lose inhibitions, I don’t actually just throw my morals out the window. I have a boyfriend and obviously never have and never will cheat on him! I just enjoy that freedom, not having him with his arm around my waist and guys chatting to me. Sometimes just to reassure me that I’ve still got it, if all went tits up!
OH, I just reread my last entry. I did go to the gym and (I hate to say this), kind of loved it! Argh, me? Loving exercise? But I am now, not a regular, but definitely in the gym about... once a week maybe? Better than nothing I say
So, in conclusion:
The SUN is out!
My boyfriend and I are excellent!
I am extremely happy!
I am stoked for this summer!
And I do not have time for you to be pissing all over my mood!
BRH
<3
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Stop. Think. Reverse.
I had the moment yesterday. You know the one, well if you’re a chubby girl who used to be thin anyway you will. You look in the mirror whilst in your room getting changed, mine incidentally was in the evening when the lighting and my clothing wasn’t particularly special, and recoil with the horror of what you see. You just think – I look like a hideous whale!! Ok, ok I know that I am not fat, at all – more of a general chubbster. But I have had a flat stomach for years, one which my friends have envied on beach days, and I could eat whatever I wanted. Oh, hello slowing metabolism! Now, all my food has gone to my stomach and thighs. I think the most annoying part is that the weight is heading straight to my best part of my body (stomach) and my worst (thighs), therefore deteriorating my looks even further. It’s not like it’s even going in a useful place – if it all went on my chest I would NOT be complaining that’s for sure!!
But anyway, back to my story of today. I had ‘the moment’ and told my friends who had just come out the gym. One stuck his hand to my stomach, ‘wobbled’ it around slightly and told me to get my fat arse to the gym and the other told me in a somewhat nicer way to book an induction, saying she would come with me. Unfortunately I am now in a situation where my stupid ‘moment’ has got me a gym induction and a ticket to exercise HELL. The gym at my college is full of muscley men who are too busy looking at themselves in the mirrors whilst on the weights machine to do much else. But I am pretty sure they would be torn away from their vanity, just to point and laugh at the chubby gym virgin who is bright red, sweating like a pig and doing everything wrong. My self confidence shall take a battering unless I take a friendly face!! I should do what my other friend does and go to the women only gym in town, although I’m pretty sure they have equivalent muscley, vain women to laugh at my misfortune. Also this gym is free, so at least I won’t be paying for the next couple of months to endure this torture.
I just need to stop and think about my ‘moment’. I should do something about my eating habits and my lack of exercise. So this is what I shall do... with a little push from my friends maybe? Wish me luck on my supposed health drive!
BRH
<3
But anyway, back to my story of today. I had ‘the moment’ and told my friends who had just come out the gym. One stuck his hand to my stomach, ‘wobbled’ it around slightly and told me to get my fat arse to the gym and the other told me in a somewhat nicer way to book an induction, saying she would come with me. Unfortunately I am now in a situation where my stupid ‘moment’ has got me a gym induction and a ticket to exercise HELL. The gym at my college is full of muscley men who are too busy looking at themselves in the mirrors whilst on the weights machine to do much else. But I am pretty sure they would be torn away from their vanity, just to point and laugh at the chubby gym virgin who is bright red, sweating like a pig and doing everything wrong. My self confidence shall take a battering unless I take a friendly face!! I should do what my other friend does and go to the women only gym in town, although I’m pretty sure they have equivalent muscley, vain women to laugh at my misfortune. Also this gym is free, so at least I won’t be paying for the next couple of months to endure this torture.
I just need to stop and think about my ‘moment’. I should do something about my eating habits and my lack of exercise. So this is what I shall do... with a little push from my friends maybe? Wish me luck on my supposed health drive!
BRH
<3
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Moving On.
I went to stay with my sister in Nottingham at the weekend. I can officially confirm that university life is indeed better than pre-university, college crap. So I am sat here now writing this blog, eating scrummy banana cake and drinking a cuppa, considering my options for the future. As from this morning, I have discovered that all 5 of my universities actually want me! 5 offers! 100% rate of acceptance – not bad considering they say pharmacy is a competitive one, hey? But if you thought that getting those offers, with the strenuous interview process, was the hard bit you would be seriously wrong. It may be a blessing that all these universities want me but now WHERE THE HELL DO I PICK?! Here’s the lowdown:
PORSTMOUTH: It’s by the sea which is very pretty and lovely (perhaps a slight distraction?) and the night life looks pretty noice.
BRIGHTON: Also by the sea and has an amazing name for itself in the night time situation apparently!
READING: Not really a consideration! Faaaar too close to home and it looks like a dump to be brutally honest. I really could not see myself living in that place for 4 years – I would rather not go to university than go here. THAT’S RIGHT, I went there!
BATH: Apparently the best in England for my course. Really it’s joint but whatever, let’s just keep them happy! It’s the most beautiful city, amazing course but… the night life is faaar from brilliant. Apparently it’s good for pubs. Yay. If I want to go to a decent nightclub I will have to travel 20 minutes to Bristol! I can get to an OK nightclub at home and I live in Basingstoke, the land of shit clubs!!
NOTTINGHAM: Aaah, Nottingham. I have had a soft spot for this city since my sister went and I visited her. Probably because I met a couple of fit people and got horrifically drunk but still, the wonderful memories put it in a class of its own! The nightlife is epic (from experience) and the city itself isn’t bad. CUTEST tea shop ever called Lee Rosy’s. GO there if you ever have the chance – it’s by Vodka Revolutions!! Obviously my choice wouln’t be based on that – the course equals Bath and my sister is up there… I guess I should go and try out a new city rather than following in her shadow like usual. And it is really a trek away from home…
SEE MY DILEMMA?! It’s probably quite obvious that it’s between Bath or Nottingham really. Both want AAB. Fack it. Here I am, sat writing the most pointless and, probably for you, uninteresting blog when I have a pile of coursework to do to get INTO these places. I am also planning on going out tonight for drinky good times. Sooo, guess who needs to get her priorities right and sort out her life? That’s right. So must be off – tataaaa.
And wish me luck with my decision making. I feel this is best done after a couple of glasses of rose wine? Yes!
BRH
<3
PORSTMOUTH: It’s by the sea which is very pretty and lovely (perhaps a slight distraction?) and the night life looks pretty noice.
BRIGHTON: Also by the sea and has an amazing name for itself in the night time situation apparently!
READING: Not really a consideration! Faaaar too close to home and it looks like a dump to be brutally honest. I really could not see myself living in that place for 4 years – I would rather not go to university than go here. THAT’S RIGHT, I went there!
BATH: Apparently the best in England for my course. Really it’s joint but whatever, let’s just keep them happy! It’s the most beautiful city, amazing course but… the night life is faaar from brilliant. Apparently it’s good for pubs. Yay. If I want to go to a decent nightclub I will have to travel 20 minutes to Bristol! I can get to an OK nightclub at home and I live in Basingstoke, the land of shit clubs!!
NOTTINGHAM: Aaah, Nottingham. I have had a soft spot for this city since my sister went and I visited her. Probably because I met a couple of fit people and got horrifically drunk but still, the wonderful memories put it in a class of its own! The nightlife is epic (from experience) and the city itself isn’t bad. CUTEST tea shop ever called Lee Rosy’s. GO there if you ever have the chance – it’s by Vodka Revolutions!! Obviously my choice wouln’t be based on that – the course equals Bath and my sister is up there… I guess I should go and try out a new city rather than following in her shadow like usual. And it is really a trek away from home…
SEE MY DILEMMA?! It’s probably quite obvious that it’s between Bath or Nottingham really. Both want AAB. Fack it. Here I am, sat writing the most pointless and, probably for you, uninteresting blog when I have a pile of coursework to do to get INTO these places. I am also planning on going out tonight for drinky good times. Sooo, guess who needs to get her priorities right and sort out her life? That’s right. So must be off – tataaaa.
And wish me luck with my decision making. I feel this is best done after a couple of glasses of rose wine? Yes!
BRH
<3
Thursday, 4 March 2010
A craving for creativity.
Hello, world!
So, how should I suitably introduce myself without sounding like the uninteresting person that I really am? Well, I pretty much decided to do this blog because my friends are – that in itself highlights a fundamental flaw of mine to act like a lost sheep; I constantly want to be like anybody else. I am low in self confidence due to a few too many knock downs by trusted people and FAR too overly self critical of myself. I guess I have been called a generous person –empathic even? I guess am lovely too, don’t think I’m one of these people who wallow constantly in self pity as I am not! My good deed of the day: holding the door open for a struggling mother with her child in a big fat pushchair. It feels nice to get a thanks and a smile once in a while!
Anyway, my friends have decided to blog for a while. I originally found my first friends blog on Facebook and also found that she was having a right good old bitch about myself and my second friend (who likes to write about interesting issues on her blog – she’s going to be doing journalism at university you know!). But hey, it sounds like a good place to put yourself out there. It’s not like I have anything else interesting to do. I am your average 18 year old – my money is spent on alcohol, food and fashion respectively with my life revolving around Facebook and Eastenders.
I tend to think that I am a good writer, that I can write interesting things about deep subjects however this whole blog thing is proving to be harder than I originally thought... I have a deep and unmoving craving for creativity. I look at art, fashion, creative writing and especially photography and yearn to be even half as good as they are! The best photo I have taken must be one of my dog with a large nose which is really just a picture of a dog with a large nose. Nothing even remotely special when it comes down to it!
Really, I know why I am not creative. I took treble science at GCSE instead of art or drama. I took double science and maths at AS instead of photography or media like other creative people – I am a NERD! And to be honest, I pretty much love it! So I can talk to you as much as you’d like about biological or chemical ideas, but nothing creative I'm afraid :)
Well that was a flat blog about my boring life... maybe I have been put off this crap. My life is definitely not interesting enough and I am not a particularly fantastic author either!
Love! Signing off!
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